Stupid Hindu Gods: part 1

Religions--opium of masses,source of morals,path to salvation or mere warmonger ramblings? Well we don't know for sure.What we know for certain is that Hindu mythologists cracked up some really weird and funny stories in their scriptures. I am not against beliefs of any religion and so my posts should not offend any religious person.

Let's talk about Hinduism. The 'popular Hinduism' boils down to one word -'GodS'. There are 'exactly' 330 million Gods in Hinduism. The only religion where number of Gods outweigh number of followers. Some Hindus claim that ancient Indians had a very advanced mathematical system,that's why they could count a number that high. The 'Gods' can include anything from ant to an elephant. Like a vulture preys on anything that doesn't move, a Hindu prays to anything that does. When you write too much and too often,it's very probable that you'll come up with something ludicrous. None of what I write here is my imagination,it's all written in their scriptures

Lord Shiva-
Oh boy,just look at him! This guy is a 'thick' God. He is blue,he has moon on his forehead,a snake around his neck and he is high on 'bhaang' (a local cheap narcotic) all the time. His 'third eye' makes me suspicious about his gender. They say his blue body is the blue sky that we see. You can't blame Hindus for not knowing about Rayleigh scattering. Shiva is cool till you worship him,otherwise you're in hot water.

Incident 1---

Goddess Parvati,wife of Shiva,was taking bath in the snow mountains of Kailash.She had loads of crap on her body (all came from shiva),so she just removed it and made a kid out of that. A kid made of dirt and crap. It wasn't just a statue of a kid, it was a LIVE kid. Parvati had the power to bring life to a pile of crap,she was a goddess. She called the boy 'Ganesha',asked him to watch out and make sure that noone enters the mountain while she was taking bath.Ganesha had the highest sense of duty and morals,although he was born only a few seconds ago. So the newly born Ganesha was standing at the gate, to stop anyone from entering . After a few moments,Lord Shiva arrives, very angry and high on bhaang as usual.


Ganesha:- You may go no further,your highness.

Shiva:- What the ......Who are you to deny my passage?

Ganesha:- Mother parvati is taking bath inside.

Shiva:- That gives even more reasons to go inside.

Ganesha:- You may have to wait for that pleasure,sir.

Shiva:- Get off my way,kiddo. Enough of your duty today.

Ganesha:-(Pointing towards an ice-seat) there. Sit and wait.

Shiva:-You don't know me sonny, do you? I'm the furious one who controls death on the earth,known for temper,rage,wrath and vengeance. It chills their bones just to think about not worshiping me properly, and you piece of crap have the balls to stop me from entering into my own goddamned house? Apologize now,and I may spare your low-life.

Ganesha:- That attitude wouldn't solve anything sir. Have some Bhaang and calm down.

Shiva:- You mother*beep*ing son of a *beeep*.....

Ganesha:-A lord isn't supposed to talk like this.

Shiva:- Shut up now,I'm telling you,shut up now f*ckface...

Ganesha:- Must you use such words?

Shiva:- THAT'S IT DICKHEAD!

Shiva,who by now was royally pissed,couldn't take it any further. Shiva raised his Trishool and Ganesha's head was gone in a flash.



Parvati upon hearing the noise, rushed out to see what happened. Couldn't see Ganesha, called out for him, loudly.
Parvati:- Where is Ganesha?

A Gana(servant):- He's lost his head, motha. He can't hear nuthin.

Parvati:- Lost mind you mean? Like his father?

Gana:- But ain't got no fatha, and you're the motha...

Parvati:- We'll have time for this asschat. Tell me where is Ganesha.

Gana:- Boss cut off his head motha.

Parvati: DAMN YOU JUNKIE!

Parvati got extremely angry. She was the goddess of power,her wrath was even more ferocious than Shiva's. That's all Hindu Gods were good at.

Shiva:- Calm down honey,he was just a pile of crap. We can make another one like him.

Parvati:- I want my Ganesha back ,do you hear it? Why did you kill a child you bitchass punk?

Shiva:- I had no idea he was dear to you.

Parvati: Now you know. I want Ganesha back,or else I will destroy the world.



Shiva had no choice but to get Ganesha's head back on the trunk. He went out to find a newly born kid, to cut off his head and put it on Ganesha's neck. Didn't find a kid quickly,and Parvati was about to destroy the world.Shiva saw a baby elephant,born a few moment ago. Having no other choice,he cut off head of the elephant,put it on Ganesha's shoulders and brought life back to him.

Point 1:- Have you ever seen a GOD killing an innocent child for performing his duty? No? Welcome to Hinduism,the commune of idiotic Gods. Mind you, I didn't make this up. This is all written in their scriptures.

Point 2:---When Parvati could give life to statue made of crap, it wouldn't be impossible for her to give life to Ganesha once AGAIN, would it? How about making a head of dirt and crap once again, put it on Ganesha's body and then give life to it? Oh never mind, how would Parvati or anyone else know about it..

Point 3:- As if killing one child wasn't enough, Lord Shiva goes out to find another infant,to kill him and take his head. This is too much. Once again,how about making a head of dirt and crap once again, put it on Ganesha's body and then give life to it? They were all massive idiots weren't they?

Point 4:- I'm sorry ,but I am a wildlife lover and Lord Shiva just demonstrated a severe case of animal cruelity.You can't just kill a real animal for a 'pile of crap' boy.Lord Shiva therefore loses all marks.


Incident 2 will be about Shiva and his gay friend Vishnu